Girl vs. Boy

Simplifying Life: Tip #27 – Vodka

Posted by: icagirl on: April 29, 2008

Throw away all of your household cleaners.  Throw them all away and buy Vodka.  This will greatly simplify cleaning day. It means that at no point in time will you ever have more than one bottle of cleaner to contend with during your cleaning, and as a bonus, cleaning time will be TONS more fun (if slightly more dangerous).

The best way to use Vodka as a cleaner is to put it in a spray bottle without diluting.  Spray it wherever you’d spray other cleaner and… clean away grime, mildew, mold, dirt, whatever.  Vodka kills things (bees, wasps, flies, glue bonds) and makes them clean (and if you buy a flavored Vodka, makes them smell pretty too).  I don’t know why I continue to drink it as I know it’s really poison in a pretty bottle.  Ignoring that fact, Vodka is awesome in many ways, outside of cleaning, just as a household handyman-type-thing.  Adding Vodka to shampoo is beneficial for your hair and scalp, as it cleans and brightens hair better than shampoo alone, but be forewarned that your conditioner needs to smell really pretty or people will think you’ve got a drinking problem simply because of the smell. 

Vodka treats earaches, dandruff, foot odor, poison ivy, and many other health problems.  I could go on and on about the benefits of Vodka.  But, I won’t.  Tip noted.

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8 Responses to "Simplifying Life: Tip #27 – Vodka"

Why clean with Vodka when you can drink it? I don’t understand.

Because it’s an excuse to have the Vodka in the house. For instance:

Boy: Girl, why is there vodka in the freezer? Have you been drinking AGAIN?

Girl: No, darling, I’ve been cleaning the entire apartment to make it a beautiful place for you to reside. See how the windows are all sparkly and such?

Boy: That seems unlikely.

Girl: Hmmm… Why don’t you think that over while you eat this pasta with Vodka sauce that I’ve made especially for you?

Boy: Why, thank you, Girl, but this doesn’t seem – AHHH! BEES!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

Girl: Don’t be silly, dear, I’ll shoo them out with the Vodka spray!

You people are scary. Vodka is death.

Girl: you know what made it obvious that you’re little conversation insert was a lie? It was this line: “eat this pasta … that I’ve made especially for you”

That would NEVER happen!

Ok, really? It’s already happened… I’ve made you pasta with the sauce you like, not once, but twice. But, now that I know that it was so forgettable that you assume it’s never happened, I know never to attempt it again. So silly of me.

So I was exaggerating… a little. But that was a long time ago and the reason you don’t do it anymore is because you think I hate everything you make which is totally not true.

You just don’t like it as much as things you heat up from the freezer… How can I compete with frozen food? I can’t really. I know my limits.

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